Am I Happy With Myself?

This is going to be the question I start asking myself, every day, everything I do during the day.  I have decided that I get too wrapped up in things that don't always make me happy....sometimes I think I want something because it will make me happy, or I go after food because it makes me feel better...when in the end, I'm not really happy with why I did it, or what I did to myself.

If I'm going to spend time on the computer, is it because I'm avoiding something else, or because I'm trying to accomplish something, or because I'm enjoying what I'm doing?

If I'm upstairs working on a craft project, is it because I am enjoying it or because I feel like I have to get it done?

If I'm going out and spending time shopping or eating with friends or Hubster, is it because I'm avoiding doing something I should be doing, or because it makes me happy to be doing it?

If I'm thinking about my past, is it negative or positive?  If it's negative, am I happy about that?  Of course not!  Something came up recently and I was getting upset about it - all over again - I had been upset almost an entire year about this thing, and when it reared it's ugly head again, I got into that mode of feeling like I wasn't worthy, or why can't I be good enough?  Ha!  I'm perfectly happy with where I'm at in my life, and that I'm not doing that thing I was involved in when that negative person was in my life and when I wasn't at all happy.

Some people can just go on and act like things going on around them don't affect them.
Other people can get so wrapped up in the negativity of stuff, that it becomes their focal point, and then they bring everyone around them down.

I've fallen into both categories at one time or another.  I don't like being negative, and I don't like people around me to be negative.  I try not to live in my past - cuz it drags me down.

I also don't do well when I'm going along and "acting" like things that have happened are not bothering me.  Heck yeah, I'm bothered.  But, it's how I react and what I do with it that matters, right?

I haven't been taking very good care of myself.  I've been eating horribly, and eating things that aren't good for me.  I haven't been getting enough exercise at all.  I've got more excuses than Carter's has pills.  Yep, do you remember Carter's pills?  LoL

At any rate, I feel like I need to improve myself all the time.  That gets old sometimes.  But, I had a revelation recently and I've decided that I'm going to start asking myself, does this make me happy with myself?  If' I'm eating 30 Kisses in a day, does that make me happy with myself?  If I'm thinking about something that happened four years ago, and it drags me down, does that make me happy with myself?  If I'm upset with someone else, and I want that person to change, does that make me happy with myself? 

Right, so even tho it sounds selfish, I think it's not, because in the end, if I'm happy with MYself, then I'm not worrying about whether I'm happy with someone else.

Anyway, just some thoughts on how to be happy with ones self, and just sharing that I want to improve myself - NOT for anyone else, and not for some New Year's resolution, and not for any other reason than to help ME be a better, healthier, more productive me. 

We'll see how long I can hold onto this!  :-)


On a brighter note, I've had an interest in one of my looms.  I hope the person makes a decision and I get at least one loom sold (but hoping the other one will also sell).  I think I'm going to have to lower the prices on them.....

Oops, gotta go - got invited to go with Hubster (there I go again) and it's a sunny day out so I want to go with him to town for the ride.  I am going to come back and work on my weaving this afternoon.  I'm almost done with winding the warp for the pinwheel towels.  I'd like to get the loom dressed today, so I can start weaving.  I also want to get a quilt laid out so I have the plan done, and then when I get the chance, start sewing it together.  I actually have 2 quilts in mind - one is with charm squares, the other will be a little art quilt. 

Take care
Martha