Friday, March 30, 2012

Living for Today....

I have this issue.  I want things I can't always have.  I have to learn to be good, and not want so much, and not feel the need to join the party so to speak.  I tend to get involved in stuff, and if I can't do what others are doing (money, time, energy, etc) then I get frustrated and I am feeling left out.

I don't think everyone goes thru this, but maybe I'm wrong? 

I'm going to be 56 this year (holy moly) and I feel like I've never found the reason for "being."  I never found what I was supposed to be when I grew up.  I don't know what my "calling" is. 

I don't feel like this all the time.  I just feel like this now and then.  Usually because something sparks the feelings.  This time, it's because there is a dog thing happening next week.  I can't go.  It's close enough to drive back and forth (40 mins each way which is nothing out here);  there are still openings in the camp.  But it's expensive.  Tuition is $675.  Ouch.  Not only that, but I'd have to stay there (another $500 or so).  Not only is the money an issue, but I'd be going, with one dog, and leaving the other dog and hubby home alone.  Not fair.  Oh, and I would have to cancel babysitting my grand daughter that week too. 

My plan is to save up.  There is an adult 2.5 day camp in October.  It's still a lot of $ -  $325.  But ya know, I can do that - drive back and forth, be home at night, and hopefully learn a lot.  Then, possibly, I can save up for the Spring camp next April.  We'll see......

Meanwhile, I'm keeping very busy.  I've been going out to the dog trainer's place every chance I can - which means the weather has to be cool enough and dry enough - and I let the dogs run.  Gabbi LOVES going out (Gabbi is the little one - Maltese), but she's only happy if it's she and Evan.  When the other dogs are out there, she gets frightened, and stays very close to me, and wants me to carry her sometimes.

We've also joined the gym - I haven't BEEN there yet, but I know the gym.  It's the one I had a lot of success at in 2007 - when I lost 35 lbs and then had my heart attack.  It has taken me this long to get over that - it's been a huge hurtle for me.

I went to the dr last week, got blood work done, and it was sent to me.  Everything is really normal - like, perfect blood work.  How does someone as overweight as I am (I'm considered obese) have blood work that looks THAT good????  There was one little thing - my CO2 level is a bit below the normal low.  Interesting - CO2 - do you remember what that is?  Carbon Dioxide.  Huh.  So at some point I'll ask the doc what that could mean.  I did some research online - interesting stuff - but I'm not going to get all hung up about it.

It's almost April.  At the end of April, I go back to the GYN oncologist for my six month checkup - can't believe it's been only 7 months since my surgery. 

So, tho I have no photos this go round, I had a lot to mumble about, huh?  Just had to get some thoughts out of my brain and onto black and white.......................

And trying to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up.....................

Hope your life is super duper!

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