Change is in the air. Things here at home are discombobulated. In an uproar. A mess, for sure.
I finally decided that we need to move, and I'm not backing down on this one, this time. The time is right. It's necessary.
Right now, there is too much work here for my husband to keep up with. 5.6 acres isn't a lot, but it's more than what is easy for him right now. I'm no help because physically, I am a mess. My shoulder is pretty bad and the pain is constant. I don't know [yet] what's wrong with it, but it's not easy doing every-day things like cleaning where I have to reach, or use pressure. My knees are a mess and kneeling is virtually impossible with my right knee, the one I've had two surgeries on. I can't lift a pitchfork, I can't push the wheelbarrow, I can't do much with the horses. We don't ride anymore, the horses are pasture pets. Bridget can't be ridden because she just has too many physical issues, like a grade 5 heart murmur and Suspensory Ligament Disease. She will be 26 in May. She's a Tennessee Walking Horse and she was my first horse. Then DH wanted to ride her. So I gave her to him.
Bridget continues to hold on and be stubborn. You see the green grass (and weeds) they are eating? That is something that gives me guilt. Where we are moving, the horses will be in dry paddocks and won't be able to roam around much. They are used to having around 4 acres to roam on, and they won't have that at the new stables. The upside is, the new stables take full care of the horses, and if we want to, we can go on vacation and someone else is taking care of them. That's something we can't get out here.
At the new stables, there is a nice barn with huge stalls, a couple of riding rings, and a battlefield where horseback riding is allowed. It's not a bad deal. Except that DH is having a really tough time giving up the care of the horses. I can understand that. He's done it a long time. However, it's also very demanding, along with having to get rid of all the leaves from all those trees in the pastures, every fall when the Oaks let go of them. There is SO much work involved.
We both turn 60 this year. Egads! How the heck did that happen????? DH had his birthday. Uneventful as he likes it to be. Me? I turn 60 in May. Which is approaching quickly. I know, it's all a matter of mind over matter, right? But truth is, we are both feeling it. DH spent 20 years in the Army, was a Drill Instructor for four years. It was all very hard on his body.
He hasn't changed much in the last 35 years.
He doesn't smile for photos. Still. That look of disdain is the one I usually get when I point a camera at him. Ha!
So, as I started this story, I started saying how I'd made this decision this is the time to move. It's really difficult for me to explain, but I'm going to try.....something, or someone, is pushing me. I've had this feeling since my brother passed away. Call me crazy, but I know he left this human life way earlier than he ever wanted to, and I do believe he is pushing me to do things that I have wanted to do, but have backed down from, time after time. I tend to back down from decision-making, and I finally figured out why. I am not a confident person. I may come across confidently in person, but I really am not. I doubt everything I do. I doubt my decisions. I'm not good with responsibility. I am not good with putting my foot down and saying "this is what I need/want and this is how it's going to happen." Because of this bad habit of mine, I will say I want to do something a certain way, then I back down, and decide that it's not going to be right, or work, or that maybe I'm wrong. Plus, the responsibility is on me if it goes wrong.
I also don't earn the money around here. That's what DH is good at. Me, not so much. I'm a lot better at spending it than making it.
So, we went to look at homes on a complex called Lake of the Woods. It's a really beautiful complex, it's been around since the 70's I believe, and it's close by. It's actually about 25 minutes from here, but that makes it 25 minutes closer to the kids and grandkids. All very good things!
We will be making almost as big a change going from the farm, to the complex, as we did when we came to the farm from a townhouse on a postage size piece of land. We will be going back into the land of Homeowners Associations and neighbors. We have neighbors now. The ones we have now, shoot guns, set off fireworks, start fires that catch on our leaves, and are generally a pain in the butt. With an HOA, we don't have to worry about that, hopefully. It's not ideal. However, it IS something I'm willing to deal with.
We put an offer in on a house. The offer was accepted. We go on Thursday for the home inspection. Barring anything that is fatally wrong with the house that the owners won't fix or we can't accept, and the appraisal comes back without us having to pay more, then we are in. The government has ruled that the finance companies must take 45 days to close on a house, so here we are, waiting....we can't close till 31 May. I hate being in flux. But, the powers that be have decided that's how it's going to be.
It's worth it. Look at the view from the front porch.
The house will need some updates, and I will do that over time. I will NOT, however, wait forever like I did in the townhouse, and like I did here. We are finally getting this floor replaced. It's SO ugly.
I will have pics when the new vinyl gets put down. My daughter thinks I'm nuts to put vinyl down, but this is a farmhouse, and vinyl will be easy to care for. Besides, I'm not sinking a bunch of money into a stone floor when we are selling. Update, yes, expensive, no.
Well, I need to get my office packed, because the next step is to get the first floor painted. That happens next week and I'm trying to empty as much as I can out of the rooms that will be painted. It will make it easier for the guys that are painting.
I hope your life has something new and exciting in it every day. I also hope that if you have an angel in heaven that is helping to push you in the right direction, you listen. It's for your own good. I know my brother is helping me through this and that he is watching over me.