Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Follow Up

My  last post was about losing weight.  I just started my ninth week on my MEH - modified eating habits.  I don't like the word "diet."  No matter what we eat, it's all part of our diet - correct?  So MEH works better for me, and being a tad bit sarcastic, I figure it fits. Meh. 

I tried the totally plant based dieting.  I did it for 4 days.  By day four, I felt absolutely awful.  I was full - no doubt in that.  I was eating tons of veggies and some fruits.  I hadn't had meat or cheese at all.  I was still using just the tiniest bit of butter which is prohibited but I did it anyway.  I was eating beans, lentils, lots of cooked veggies, and though I was full, I was NOT feeling well at all. ZERO energy.  I was taking naps.  NOT cool.

Only the week before, I'd been so full of energy that I was going stir crazy if there wasn't anything to do all day.  Let me clarify - I love to have errands to run, driving places, going to stores or whatever.  I just love being out and about.  I hate housework but I was even doing that!  That's energy I haven't had in years.

Not so much the 4 days I was doing the plant based diet.  I was foggy brained, almost dizzy, and staggering some when I walked.  I read on the FB page that some of that was normal in the first few days.  However, I didn't FEEL normal, and I didn't like it at all.

I decided then and there, I have to be in this for the long haul.  I have around 75 more pounds to lose, and it's not going to happen fast.  If it did happen fast, that wouldn't be good for me because I'm hoping that my skin will shrink and I will be able to firm up as I go.

I want to eat a healthy, low calorie, varied diet.  My numbers had already changed as far as cholesterol - a few weeks ago, the doctor said "whatever you're doing, keep it up!"   I'm exercising which I haven't done in  too long. I'm even craving going to a gym.  Staying home and using our equipment is good.  However, I'm soon tiring of the same things...........

It may take me over a year, maybe closer to 2, to reach my goal weight.  Some might say I'll be too thin, but at 5'2" and being called OBESE for so many years now, I want to change all of it.  Change ME.  I want to be the me that I've been drowning down inside with food for so many years. The more weight I lose, the more confident I become. The stronger I become, both physically and mentally.

I want to get rid of that flabby overhanging belly that I hide in my jeans.
I want to be able to travel and eat lightly, go walking through the places we go visit when we go out in our RV.
I want to feel good, breathe easier, and move better.

I know I will never be able to eat like I used to and I've come to terms with that. I also know that once I lose, I will have to be very careful not to gain it back - I can't go back to eating how I used to eat.  I can indulge now and then - maybe a couple of times a year - but I will have to eat less than I used to, and move more, and keep up my own motivation.

I still have to overcome a lot of things. My knees are  a mess.  Both of them need work, but since I'm only turning 62 this year, they won't really do anything about my knees till I'm older.  Replacements only last around 15 years, and they don't want me to be 80 years old and needing another replacement.  I guess I understand but I'm not happy about it - I want to move without pain NOW.

I'm hoping with exercise, I can flatten my belly.  Not sweat during summer, and have irritation where my skin touches.

I want to lose enough weight by this summer that I'm not embarrassed to wear shorts and tank tops again.

I want to lose enough weight in the end, to feel like a fit 60-something year old woman, not a fat, old looking, and sad 60-something year old woman.

I can see and feel the 20 pounds I've lost --- but when I look at myself in the mirror, I still see a lot of fat.  Then I scold myself - WHY did I let myself get THIS bad?  It's so terrible. 

For a long while, I justified - this is who I am; this is who I'm going to be; I enjoy my food, so I'm going to accept myself.  No body shaming.  I get that whole thing - however, it is NOT who I am, or who I want to be.

Many deep seeded feelings I held in for years, caused me to be that fat, out of shape, scared person.  No more.  No more hiding or stuffing.

I'll be honest.  Feeling better, having more energy, breathing better, having to close my bra on the middle loops instead of the end loops, finding my size 8 underwear and feeling comfortable in them, ALL feels better than eating chocolate and bread and ice cream.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE my ice cream, chocolate, and other stuff.  However, I do like what's happening (however slowly it's happening) to my body and I want to keep it up.

I just wish I wasn't so danged impatient!

If I can empower just one person, or encourage one person, or help one person with any of this, I hope that they see that all you have to do is make the decision.  From there, it's easy - just move a little more each day, and eat a less each day, cut the crappy food out that's killing you, and hang in there.  And if anyone ever wants someone to talk to, let me know. 

Take care and thanks for reading.
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