Thursday, December 31, 2015

Happy New Year! Ringing in 2016

Funny, that 2016 is easy to type.....

2015 was a year of ups and downs.....at the beginning of the year, I had decided I was going to give up my fiber business, and just lay low for awhile.  That made me sad, but I decided to embrace it.  I wanted to be more creative, and I did that.  I didn't do as much as I had hoped, but honestly, looking back, I really did a lot.  I started out going to a Saori weaving class at the beginning of the year, and that inspired me.  I got a Saori loom, and have had fun on it.  I got better at knitting, and can now knit continental style.  However, I can only do hats, fingerless gloves, triangle shawls and rectangular things.

2015 was also a year of challenges.  I started out wanting to get healthier. I  started with P.T. for my knee, which turned into P.T. for my posture as well.  I ended up having the 2nd knee surgery on my right knee (first one was a long time ago).  I got cleared by the oncologist as far as the uterine cancer I had (along with a hysterectomy 5 years ago).  However, realizing that I was having more and more trouble with my breathing, especially feeling breathless, I decided to pursue that by requesting a chest x-ray be done, which led to a C.T. scan, which led me to a Pulmonary specialist, and a diagnosis of  Bronchiectasis.

I lost one of my (2) older brothers in August. I'm still sad and come very close to crying every time I think about him, and the loss.  He was the one person in my family I was closest to, though not as close as I would have liked.  I was never close with my parents.  I am not that close to my oldest brother who lives in CA with his family.  But Mike was my bro, we thought a lot alike, but he was way smarter than I am, and he knew what he was doing in his life.  He was brave.  He wasn't always the smartest when it came to his health.  I do wish he'd taken better care of himself.  He might still be around, if he hadn't continued to smoke after his quadruple bypass heart surgery about 20 years ago.  He accomplished a lot of good in his life, he touched many lives, and his legacy lives on in Portland, Maine.  I miss him though.....

On another note, my in-laws are treating their son/brother (my husband) like crap, and I feel bad for him.  However, it's not my burden, and I'm working on staying out of it, and not feeding into the drama.

I worked on my weight.  Embarrassed as I am, I am going to admit here, that I was up to 238 lbs.  I'm only 5'2" tall.  I carry my weight all over my body - even my toes were fat.  I've worked hard on losing, have cut out all bread, rice, pasta, and a lot of other stuff that wasn't good for me.  I still indulge in ice cream once in awhile, and I'm addicted to chocolate....and wish I could cut it out completely.  I may be able to do it in 2016....but I'm not committing to that just yet.  I'm down to 205, but have gotten down to 201, but can't seem to get that off for good, and keep going down.  I really was hoping to be below 200 before the end of 2015....but it isn't happening.  I have gone to the gym more, I'm doing well most of the time in my eating, I've been going out and shopping (walking) more, but the breathlessness and exhaustion catches up with me.  The doctors like to say it's stamina, but it isn't.  I've tried to explain what it feels like, but no one understands.  So I am keeping my mouth shut, and hoping that I can continue to fight the weight battle, and to fight the exhaustion, and fight the breathlessness, and be strong.  I will continue to work out at the gym, both with weights (light weights, not trying to build muscle, but lots of reps with light weights to tone and still lose weight) and in the pool - I'm not a swimmer but I am working with foam dumbbells and a pool noodle with my arms and legs, and running and walking laps in the pool.  In 2016 I plan on spending more time in the pool, and working longer.  It ends up with me being too exhausted to do much else during the day, but I will fight that as well.

For 2016, I also plan on going through each room in the house, and totally cleaning out and dumping as much stuff as I can.  I can't live in the clutter anymore. I want a house that has space, that I can be comfortable in, and that I am proud to be in.  That takes work.  Today, I worked on the bedroom, and the bedroom closet.  I still have the bathroom to tackle, and hope to do that tomorrow.  Under the sink and the bathroom closet really need it.

I am going to focus on doing more projects in 2016.  I want to work on something every day.  For now, I've laid off knitting because my right arm hurts, from my fingertips to my shoulder blade.  I have a feeling I have another bone spur in my shoulder.  I had one removed about 8 years ago, and I think it's back.  The only way for it to go away is surgery....not looking forward to another one, but I'm not sure how much longer I can take the pain.  Getting old ain't for sissies!

I am going to work on my photography more.  I will weave more.  I will conquer my sewing and embroidery machine and become good at what I want to do with it.  I am going to quilt again.  I have bought fabric that will make adorable ornaments and can't wait to get some done for next Christmas.  Those projects are small and quick and will be easy to work on while it's hot during summer.  I want to spin more yarn, then knit it into fun stuff.  I want to sell more of my hand made items, and make some money this year.

I will also work on myself. I want to accept what is, live in the moment, and make my moments more meaningful.  I want to enjoy what I'm doing, when I'm doing it. I will be stronger, and fight harder, to be healthy and feel better.

There are many things I don't want to give up - like the hope of traveling to Maine again; moving to a neighborhood and having a one story home; becoming successful with my business in another form; and feeling well again.

Meanwhile, I hope you have the best New Year ever, and a happy, healthy, and successful New Year.  Thanks for being out there.  I appreciate it.

Always,
Martha

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