Friday, January 30, 2015

Finding My Zen..........

I've been working on finding my zen this year.  I decided 2015 is going to be the year of Martha.  It's the year of the sheep, but for me, it's the year of Martha.

Everyone finds their inner self, inner happiness, inner peace, at different stages of their life.  Me, I've been trying to figure out why I'm so different than everyone else, and why I never feel like I quite fit in.

©Martha Manigross
Last summer was AWFUL for me - depression, fatigue, just plain angry and miserable and unhappy.
Once we had some answers on things I'd been wanting to do, like sell this house, and finding out that we are so upside down, we can't sell it, settled some things for me.  I realized I'm not going anywhere for a long time......unless someone suddenly wants to pay us more for a house than the banks say it's worth.  So I just have to find my happy place, and do things that make me want to stay here.

I've decided it's time to BE ME.  I recently figured out, that I have been being, doing and serving others for my entire life.  I have been trying to be what I thought others expected me to be.  That hasn't worked out so well for me my entire life.  There were times when I was just me.  I made decisions not based on what I thought someone else thought it should be, but on what I needed it to be.

©Martha Manigross
I'm also working on communicating more clearly.  I say things, then mean something else.  It's a game.  I don't want to play games anymore.  Therefore, if I need to say something and really mean it, I make it as clear as I can possibly make it, and if I feel like I'm still not understood, then I don't just let it go, I figure out HOW to make it clearer.  I've been doing okay at that.  I feel better too!

I'm also working on finding my zen as far as things I want/like to do.  I'm working on creating instead of working on selling.  I can't even TELL you how much stress that has taken off me. I'm not ignoring my business.  I'm not pushing it though.  I hated pushing it.  It is what it is. If someone wants to buy something from my Etsy shop, then great!   If they don't, then great!  It's OKAY.  :-)

©Martha Manigross
I'm working on my weaving and the techniques I learned.  I can't even explain, how happy and peaceful I feel, when I'm weaving on my new Saori 60 loom.  It's heaven.  Peaceful.  Zen-like.  Calming.

I just have to watch how much weaving I do at once.  My elbows have something going on - a pinched nerve or something.  It's making my hands get tingly.  It's not a fun feeling.

I want to continue to spin, but I don't know if I'll spin to weave, or spin to just make yarn.  Again, if someone wants to buy it, fine.  If not, fine.  I love my yarn and eventually, I'll use it for stuff - knitting or crochet or weaving.  Something.

©Martha Manigross
I'm also going to start taking my camera more places with me.  I LOVE taking photos.  I want to find a way to get them printed beautifully, and put them up around the house.  Maybe try to find a venue for selling them at some point.  Maybe enter them into contests.  I want to study my camera more, and what I can do with it.  What it can offer me.  I really love my own photos.  That's not a bad thing, right?

©Martha Manigross
Then, there are the 2 Princesses.  I want to spend more time with them.  That means, I have to work on my body, and get back into shape.  I can't keep up with myself, let alone a 4 year old and a 1 year old!  They are so precious to me, and I want to be around for them, and in their lives, for a long time.  I love my grand-girls!

I'm off to weave.  Then watch some t.v.  The PT does a job on me and today was PT day.  Days off from PT will be days I go to the gym for a bit of a workout.  I've also cut back on some food and am trying to drink more water, move more, eat less.   It doesn't work everyday, but I'm also working on being kind to myself - which means, taking better care of me, and not talking badly to myself.

Thanks for stopping by.
Happy Zen.

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