Friday, January 31, 2014

The Year Of The Horse.....

2014 is supposed to be the year of the horse....according to the Chinese calendar.  I own horses.  I love horses.  But, I'm not Chinese. 
I have in the past, made the decision to try to improve myself.  I'm 58 this year (in May) and I have decided that "improving myself" means that there is something wrong with myself, and I really don't believe that.  I don't think there's anything "wrong" with me.  I mean, there is nothing wrong with improving ones self, but I don't like the negativity of it.....if that makes sense.

Therefore, I've decided I'm going to be GOOD to myself.  I can be very good at negative self talk.  I'm very good at giving up on myself. I'm also very good at thinking I don't deserve things that I want.  For example, today we went to Staples.  I had a 15% off coupon, and hubby had some points he'd gotten because we turn in our empty ink cartridges.  He needed to get a ream of paper (we don't buy it by the box, but next time there is a sale, I'm going to suggest we do), I needed tape for my desktop dispenser, and I wanted Uniball pens.  They are the only pens that don't seem to give up easily on ink, they don't blotch, and I never have to clean off the tip to avoid a big smear of ink.  We got the tape (it's for my work) and he got the ream of paper, but when I looked at the pens, I thought they were too expensive.  Not that they really were - a box of a dozen pens was $7.99.  I just felt like it was an extravagance for me.   So I put them down and just told Honey, "let's go."   When we got to the checkout, Honey mentioned to the sales person  that we had the coupon and the points....and I said, heck, I should get the pens while we have the coupon and the I ran back and got the box of pens.  We got all that stuff and spent a whopping $5.  Not a bad deal.....

Yeah, I know, that seems trivial, but I have a really B.A.D. habit of doing that to myself - like I don't deserve to have the pens I like.  Or I don't deserve to be able to order something on a menu because it's a little more expensive.  Another example is that at Christmas time, I felt like I shouldn't get anything special, because Honey is the income maker, and I'm busy spending it trying to start up my small business (in case you don't know, it's my fiber shop at  so when Honey kept asking me what I wanted, I said, "you've spent enough on me and my business this I don't want anything."  In reality, there was something I'd been eyeing.  It's a ring.  Black and white diamonds.  Yes, I'd been eyeing the chocolate diamonds also, but I really love the contrast of the black and white diamonds.  Like this one here:

It's a vine, with white diamonds on one vine, and black diamonds on the other vine and they intertwine.  Yes, that's on my left hand, where my wedding ring should go.  I don't wear my wedding ring - haven't in years - except on special occasions, because I get it caught on everything.  I wear rubber gloves when dyeing fiber, or washing dishes (sometimes) and when I was riding horses, I got my ring finger caught once and had to grab the ring off it before it swelled so it wouldn't have to be cut off.   The diamond sticking up on the wedding ring was kind of a pain.  So, I told Honey, that I wanted this ring.  We went searching in every jewelry store in the mall the weekend prior to Christmas.  We finally found it at Zales.  That is where my wedding rings are from too.  Mind you, my wedding ring isn't huge (I guess it's actually my engagement ring but they are one in the same - it's complicated).  So we bought the ring.  Then it had to be sent in to get sized - as you can see from the photo, I have a chubby hand...which matches my chubby (not being negative, but being truthful) body.  We got the ring back the first week in January.  I love LOVE my ring.  I can wear it all the time, and it's really pretty, not huge, and it doesn't get caught on most things (it has little sharp edges though and sometimes they catch a little).

So, now I have an opportunity to join in something called "The Journey To The Golden Fleece."  Here is a link and it explains a bit of what it is all about.  Basically, it's a course to delve into your journey in fiber and fleece.  I think being fairly new (just over a year) into this journey, it sure wouldn't hurt to do this.  Only it costs $250.  Yes, there are less expensive ways to do it, but I want the FULL experience.  The first group of people have really seemed to enjoy what the journey is about, and have posted on FB about it.  It seems exciting.  It could be because I love joining in a group like this - to belong.  That is something I had to think long and hard about - is that the only reason I wanted to do it?  Is it that I don't want to be the one on the outside?  Justifying the cost was huge for me - I really don't give up $250 easily.  Especially since I am not the one MAKING money right now, but the one spending it.....

 When someone mentioned it on Facebook, I responded and said I was trying to justify the cost.  Her comeback was, she justified it as an educational cost.  Insert another head slap here!   Yes, it IS educational.  I'll be guided through this journey by people that have a LOT of experience in this field.  It certainly can't hurt to IMPROVE myself.  I can't really go anywhere to seminars, or classes, and yes, it's a lot of money, but I'm NOT going to classes and traveling, so why not take advantage of having mentors (something I've really wanted along the way) and having help with figuring out what MY journey is about?  Instead of floundering around like a fish out of water, I want to swim with the rest of the fish, big and little, in our little school. 

However, because this is the year of me being good to myself, and treating myself like I deserve to be able to have good things, nice things, and things that will help me through my life, I wanted to really belong to this, join in this, and learn something about myself.

See, I seem to get very lost in my "business."  Someone recently tagged me in a post on FB, and said that this blog she read here reminded me of the struggles I go through, and what I consider "success."  Yes, I do struggle - a LOT!  I think I'm not successful with my business because I'm not making a ton of money, and people aren't buying my fiber in droves.  Well, guess what?  People ARE buying my fiber - maybe not in droves, but I get a couple of sales a month.....and that's better than nuthin!  Well, I get a couple of sales most months, after all, I have to be truthful.  LOL

That blog post really hit home with me.  I realized that I make this all about the money.  You know what the Universe says, right?  It says, if you think about NOT having money, you'll never have money.  If you think about how UNsuccessful you are, you'll never have success!  Well, duh!!!!  Insert head slap here....

So, I am working on being good to myself this year, right?  Here I am, trying to figure out what makes me happy, and what I can do to make myself happier, and be better to myself.  Here it is - BE HAPPY with what I'm doing!  When I'm happy, I tend to get a sale in my shop.  When I'm doing what I love, I get compliments and I get attention (and I seem to like attention). 

Therefore, I am getting better at being better to myself.  I'm going to be going on a journey that excites me.  I'm working harder on my business, and I'm being a better business person by keeping better track of everything as one of my goals for this year. 

There is certainly nothing wrong with being good to yourself.  Whether it be to be healthier, feel better, treat people around you better, or treat yourself to things you deserve -- as long as I don't go overboard, I think I'll be fine.  And I am happier than I've been in a long time!

So be good to yourself.  You DO deserve it.  If you work hard, and you have someone supporting you, then you're half way there.....

Take care,
P.S. - I wanted to add photos but something happens between blogger and Internet Explorer and my computer - they don't like each other.  I'm having a really difficult time with photos on my blog. :-(  So I'm sorry there weren't more pics.


Anonymous said...

Hi Martha,
I bookmarked your blog so long ago that I can't remember why. So, tonight out of the blue I decided to go through all of my bookmarks and delete the ones that I really didn't need. Then I came upon yours...and I wondered what it was....and I clicked, and began to read your blog. It all seemed to fit me well too. I too am trying to be good to myself this year of the horse. I have a lovely drawing by Susan Shie all about the 2014 blessings. Well...I continued reading, and were talking about joining the Journey to the Golden Fleece! And contemplating whether you should or not! I am on the current Journey which began in November! I hope you do join, and I hope I meet you.
Best Wishes to you, and I hope this
"Be Good to Yourself Year" is a wonderful one for you!

Geri said...

Might I suggest you use a different browser, such as Firefox? It's a free download. Or Google Chrome? I had to switch browsers when I got a Windows 8 laptop and it made a big difference.

tich said...

I am on the journey as well. this post really resonated with me.